So, I had my first weight in today. I am aiming for a weigh in every 30 days but on the Saturday that falls after that. So this is in fact day 34. The great news is that I have lost 18 pound or just over a stone – which is fucking awesome. This is the most weight I have lost in years, so I am delighted.
People have been asking what my goal is, but I’m not really sure yet. At my thinnest in my adult life I was 13 stone (182 pound), but that was before I did any sort of weight training, so I am currently aiming for 14 stone (196 pound) and will see what that looks like and make a decision at that point whether to start maintaining or lose further.
But if this is the target then that means I have 2 stone 10 pound (38 pound) to go, which means that after a tad more than a month I’ve already a third of the way there.
I managed to stick to the daily Yoga despite a knee injury I got during my first Yoga session. I really enjoy Yoga now. I used to never get any sort of buzz from any exercise I ever did, and to be honest usually just felt worse after exercise, but it is different with yoga. I enjoy doing it and I feel wonderful after doing it. I finished the series I was doing and have now moved on to a 90 day series, which you can find by clicking HERE!
I am now going to return to doing some weight training but not too much too soon. I will go for one session a week and see how that works out for me. My goal at this point is weight loss rather than toning or muscle building but I also don’t want to lose all the strength gains I have accumulated the last few years. I also don’t want to build muscle under the fat as that just makes me look bloated.
I am also going to reduce my daily calorie intake to 1680 from 1830. This is for five days. On Mondays and Thursdays I will continue with the 600 Calorie Fast days. I finished this section of the plan with a 36 hour full Fast, which seemed fitting. I will try to do at least two of these Full Fasts in the next phase too.
The big part of the Magick section to the first section was all the admitting and accepting of my Fat that I mentioned in the previous post. This involved posting an un-photoshopped and accurate photo of myself on the site here, and on all my social media. This was important because it meant I was no longer hiding the shame, I was putting it out there for all to see. Something in me was released from doing this, some part of me let go that had been clinging. It felt cleansing. The photo above was taken this morning and I will update the photo in all the places every 30 days or so.
I also worked on projecting a good self image. This involved being kinder to myself and trying my best to see myself physically as something good rather than the default of despising how I look. I tried to project an aura of beauty and confidence in myself*. This sounds super corny and New Agey, but it works – for me anyway. I want to do a full post on this in the future as I think there is some really useful tech in it.
This all led me to the realisation that I really had stopped seeing myself as a sexual being. Not that I had no sex drive, more that I in no way felt desirable or sexually attractive- there was no part of me that felt like someone would have an sexual interest in me. This is hard to explain, but the best I can say is that I felt that being a sexual being was for other people, and that it just wasn’t part of me. In the back of my mind I felt that my wife was just lying when she would say I look good.
So, I set about changing this. I decided to count myself in as a sexual being once again!
I work from home so it is just far to easy to get up and throw on some track suit bottoms and a T-shirt, and after awhile I noticed that was all I was wearing even when I went outside. I decided to banish this bad habit, so I bought some new clothes and shoes, and made sure to dress better every day. This really helped make me feel better, and the fact that the clothes I bought were a size smaller than I used to be was an added bonus. Last night I also bought some really nice shirts that I won’t be able to fit into for a few weeks, but it felt great knowing that I would be able to fit in them soon.
I also got some new aftershaves, deodorants, face creams, shower gels, new razor, and all that sort of thing. Did some face masks too, which was fun! I would count all of these things as Glamour Magick to some extent. There is real benefits physically from doing them but the real benefit is emotional. I feel so much better about myself from doing it.
So, that’s where I am to date. I have a lot more to work on, I have a lot of mental baggage to battle through yet, but I feel I am off to a great start and I am very excited about the future. It is great to feel hope that this situation may be over soon rather than thinking I will never get out of its clutches.
To celebrate, I am having a glass of organic white wine tonight and watching Taboo!
Next update in 30 days or so.
* I will write about it this properly at some point but the basic idea is that you deliberately try to “shine” or “radiate” confidence, beauty, health (or whatever you are tying to do) from your physical body. Think of it like an aura around you that is projecting out the qualities you are trying to cultivate.
It’s somewhat like pretending or modelling (in a NLP sense) but there is an energetic level to it too. You are actually radiant the energy of “sexiness” rather than just pretending to be sexy.
You just imagine it happening.
Think of how it must feel to be “beautiful”, as an example. Then try to surround yourself with that feeling or energy. Then let it shine or radiant outwards from you – in a sense you are projecting it from your body and out into the world.
I can’t really explain it well as yet, which is why I have to get my head together on it properly before I do a post on it. But hopefully that goes a little way to explain what I mean. If not, we’ll come back to it.
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