So, here we are in week three of the Star Ruby Challenge – and I have to admit nothing actually exciting happened. In fact, the opposite happened.
Had this working being a two-week challenge I would have said it ended as a great success given my HGA contact described last week.
However, this week has brought me to more frustrating shores, and a possible insight that I am not too sure I want to believe.
Let’s dive in.
KNOWLEDGE OF BUT NO ACTUAL CONTACT
My HGA showed up on Friday 9th of October and announced that it had presented itself to me already years ago but I was busy being a sceptic. It then proceeded to give me a sigil, a new spelling of its name, a colour correspondence, and a scent correspondence.
It then buggered off again and any subsequent effort to make contact failed entirely.
While I am still fully convinced that the experience of my K+CHGA was as real and as valid as anyone else’s K+CHGA experience (If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck…etc.) I may have changed my mind about what it actually means – or more correctly what its actual nature might be.
I am also very cognizant that I am still midway through a working so all that follows if very much in a state of flux and subject to change. Also, as always, I am only talking about my experiences. Your experiences in similar territory are yours and I am not speaking to them at all. Just talking about myself. YMMV.
To explain all this we have to travel back in time a bit. Cue dreamy harp music.
I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!
A while back- over a year ago but less than two, time is very hard to judge these days – I went and had a series of Reiki sessions done by a local Healerwoman. Spud and I had originally met her as part of a documentary we were trying to make in which Spud had his first Reiki experience. It went very well for him and it put me in the mood to rekindle my Reiki days that I thought I had left behind once I had left Hippie College – I did a two-year course in Holistic Health Studies in my mid-twenties.
I made a series of videos about my experience which you can see here. I also did a more in-depth video for Patreon where I was able to talk a bit more freely about certain aspects as I wasn’t broadcasting to the general public.
Overall the Reiki was lovely but I did have one experience that has now left me wondering about my HGA experience.
In one of the sessions towards the end of the series, I had what felt like an incredible experience at the time.
It started with an extra set of hands being put on my body that felt as real to me as anything I have ever felt touching my body. I then moved into a visionary type experience in which, and I was quite cagey about this in the original video report, I was pretty much told I was the most important person in the world, that I was a Star Child, and that I was some sort of chosen person who would I dunno.. save the world or something?
Now, this seems to have been an incredible experience for me given my reaction in the video and by how I described it at the time. Right now though, I have very little remembrance of it at all and had practically forgotten about it until it came up in conversation with Darragh on a recent Magic People episode.
While I seem to have enjoyed the experience, and it does appear to have been profound at the time, the insight or feelings generated are in no way abiding.
Also, I didn’t for a second believe any of it!
I am far, far too aware of how many times people are told by aliens, angels, their dead dog, devils, demons, or mediums, that they are the chosen one to fall from this particular trick. Besides, I really don’t need any encouragemnent in this area given my history, so its best to avoid it.
Being told you are the chosen one seems to be par for the course – probably just a bit of a quick prod by the gods to see how you’re getting on with the spiritual path, or something similar.
Its a test, however, that a lot of people don’t seem to pass given the number of books, lectures, and videos I have come across by self-proclaimed chosen people. Its a very common experience in both UFOLOGY and folklore, and spiritual circles in general. Everyone gets told they are special!
Occasionally the passing of this test leads to something such as the cases of Helen Schucman and Alice Bailey who seems to have only been given the real spiritual goods (and in effect actually become the chosen one) after they firmly declined to accept the chosen one offer.
So when it happened to me I recognised it for what it was – a stage, a test, or more likely – a TRAP!
A way to keep me from progressing.
A way to reinforce the ego.
Another layer of illusion added to the pile.
Or to use a word in its original sense: a Glamour. – “a charm on the eyes, making them see things differently from what they really are.” In the Magia sense it would possibly be considered a shadow – a thing that fools you into getting the opposite of what you intend.
This particular glamour came with some added fuel though – my Reiki Healer also got a sense of all this happening, even mentioning “Star Child” to me afterwards unprompted by me. I always made sure to let her give her report at the end of the session before I gave mine (“Method of Science” and all that). At least that’s how my memory serves it up now.
It was actually a bit funny afterwards as I realised that it had finally happened – I finally had the chosen one experience and said no – which I assume means I passed the test?
If I did then I didn’t get anything for it – no medal, no ribbon, no nothing!
And no great spiritual Master appeared to make me transcribe the great new Spiritual teachings for the world.
So, I reframed the experience as a sort of spiritual guided meditation whereby I allowed myself for a moment to feel as powerful, special, and loved, as I can. Doing that has had much merit and usefulness for me so, I made a video of how you can do it too!
SO, WHAT HAS THIS TO DO WITH THE K+CHGA?
I have mentioned similar stuff on the podcast before whereby magic appears to have this annoying habit of building to a momentum but then at the last minute fizzles out.
I actually talked about a recent similar experience in this video, though in this case, the video did ultimately ended up with me getting a lovely present of a book about Pan – to which people may retort: it might not have been the outcome I was looking for but maybe the outcome I needed…
The notions of “what’s for you won’t past you”, or “you get what you need not what you want” and similar don’t sit well with me at all.
I find them frustratingly lacking, as they amount to nothing more than: “Let’s just say what happened is what’s actually best for us even though it clearly isn’t what we aimed for, because well…what other choice have we?”
Besides, if true, it begs the question: then what’s the actual point of magic if there is some sort of Fate deciding if it is correct or not for me to have or experience something? And don’t get me wrong, I do think that is a question really worth considering.
All I do know is that the biggest recurring theme in my magical career to date is that feeling of momentum that something is going somewhere, that I am heading in a direction towards some sort of insight, or that things are about to take off or in some way be revealed…
…and then nothing.
Just like the end of each season of Hellier. It’s all build-up and no payoff. Which is why I think Hellier is a brilliant representation of actual real-life magic ritual.
But ultimately this lack of a decent payoff just leaves me feeling deflated and mighty foolish for having been suckered yet again.
And here we are again as this familiar pattern plays out in my K+CHGA experience.
That familiar sensation of feeling “finally we’re getting somewhere” turned quickly to “Wait, no, it’s just the same old story – nothing to see here”.
So what I have been pondering this whole week is what if this whole K+CHGA thing is nothing more than a similar trap as “The Chosen One” vision?
Is it just another thing that organically happens on the spiritual path but should be ignored as a hindrance as Patanjali suggests – “If one develops siddhis, he has to ignore it to attain Liberation. Siddhis are major deterrent factors in spiritual pursuit”.
Is the K+CHGA just another Glamour?
Right now, with one week left of the Star Ruby Challenge, that’s what appears to be the case. I’m not fully convinced as yet but I am highly suspicious.
Which then makes me ask the question I am not sure I really want to know the answer to: Is Magick in general just another similar glamour? – Is my entire magical worldview nothing more than another charm on my eyes, making them see things differently from what they really are?
Perhaps it is, which is a sobering thought.
(No diary entries this week as they are mostly just “nothing to report” which isn’t useful to anyone)
Art credit: Henrik Uldalen
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