My ideas around Magic have changed a lot recently.
Well, that's that not really true - what I really mean is that I got lost in a lot of other people's ideas of Magic and put aside my own feelings and experiences and deferred to other people's ideas instead.*
The big change started for me in regard to Magic when I realised that other people's experiences and definitions of Magic were not the same as mine. I noticed that when I spoke about "Magic", I seemed to be talking about, and maybe experiencing, something very different from a lot of people around me.
Then it hit me - they're actually talking about Mysticism but calling it "Magick"!
It dawned on me that I have been having a conversation with people for years where I thought we were all talking about the same thing, but they were, in fact, talking about something else entirely.
To be fair, the fault is entirely mine - they all knew exactly what they were talking about. It was me who was confused.
But then, after a few weeks, I realised that I probably wasn't talking about Magic either. At least not how most other people would define it, anyway.
It seems to me that when people use the word "Magic" (and aren't actually talking about Mysticism), they usually mean "Getting stuff using supernatural methods", with the "stuff" invariably being money, sex, love, revenge, or getting out of trouble.
While I do think it is possible to affect outcomes Magically, that effect is often so small and inconsistent that it's probably only really worth doing when you've tried all the mundane avenues open to you first. And the times when it does actually work, it is often reported that people get what they asked for and not what they wanted.
This sort of Magic, while probably real, seems a bit on the useless side, to be honest.
That said, I could just be shit at that sort of Magic.**
So, what Is Magic to me?
Magic, to me, is an intense, Expansive Impulse projected from within my very core of being. It's a compulsion to express something greater (Note: not better) than I currently am. It's a deep-seated need to widen the light of creation.
Something about the direction of Magic reminds me of a Lighthouse, though that analogy falls apart quickly if you look too closely or ask too many questions. That said, the amount of Lighthouse syncs around me currently is suggestive of there really being something to this.***
For me, this impulse is the direct opposite of returning to the source or returning to the Godhead. In my experience, it's the very opposite of Mysticism, which is, as far as I am aware, a conscious and deliberate effort to return to the source and reunite with the Divine.
The direction of Magic, in my experience, is the opposite of this.
Magic is a widening and completely forward-facing outward expansive pulsation, whereas Mysticism appears to me as a movement going backwards from the large to the small.
Mysticism, to me, feels like a contraction. A regression almost like a young adult who left the family home but yearns to go back because they miss the love and security that came with being a child within a family unit. But they can never go back, because they are no longer a child.
I can't go back to being one with God because I am now a Child of God. A new and seperate being. This seperation allows for freshness, growth and expansion which the previous state doesn't.
Magic, for me, is about moving out of my family home and becoming my own expression of life. It's discovering who I am, not what my family is or think I am. It's about bringing in something new, not polishing up something old. It's about advancing forward into the great unknown and not awakening to that which is already the case.
Ultimately, Magic is, for me, about leaving the House of God to become your own being and expression of creativity.
This is the Great Magical Act.
It's not a Luciferian act, though, because that would imply that the Great Magical Act is a rebellion against the true nature of the divine when to my eyes, it's the very opposite - The Great Magical Act is the Great Divine Wish for all of us.
It's also, I suppose, the rejection of the Prodical Son story, which to me, despite how many interpret it, is a story told to warn people that it's a bad idea to try to make it on your own, and it's best to stay contained within acceptable societal, & spiritual restraints. It's a warning about trying to upset the established Hierarchy. It's a threat about what will happen to Tall Poppies.
So, Is Mysticism the Wrong Approach?
I want to point out that I don't feel Mysticism is bad, that Mystics are bad people, or that people into Mysticism are wrong. Not at all. Mysticism is a perfectly valid, wonderful, rewarding, and worthwhile path - if it's your path.
It's just not my path.
That said, I do regret spending so much time focusing on Awakening and Enlightenment over the last few years. It feels like I have been driving down the wrong road for hundreds of miles, and I have just realised my mistake, and now I have to go back to where I was and get on the correct road. Not only have I not gotten to my destination, but I'm also now hundreds of miles further away from it in the opposite direction.
But that's how it is, and there isn't anything I can do other than just get on with it now. The way things are, are the way things are, and there's no getting round that.
But, what I can do now is focus on the Magic.
Actual Fucking Magic.
And what that practically looks like and how it emerges and manifests in my life these days, I will talk about in the next Newsletter!
*I have issues with handing over the possession of truth to authority.It stems from experiences in my childhood. I often can't allow my experiences or ideas to have validity unless someone else agrees with me. I often take onboard an authority's "truth" even if I fundamentally disagree with it. Though Sad but true, I am working on it.
** I am currently running some experiments on the whole "getting the stuff" type magic using a number of different processes. Stay tuned for results.
*** I have more to say about this Lighthouse stuff, but I leave all that for another day; other than to mention, I did think of calling this revamped Newsletter The Lighthouse but that's getting dangerously close to The Watchtower for my liking.