Are you getting the opposite of what you Desire?
The last few weeks have been an interesting time for me – mostly in that I have been reappraising my Magick workings and practices to try to sort out what works and what doesn’t in order to know what to keep and what to toss out.
Although I have been know to say that I get very little return on my current Magick practice, my latest reflection has lead me to believe that this isn’t really always the case, but in a strange way. Looking through my Magick Diary and having a good think about things has shown me that I do get a very decent effect from my Magick – it’s just that sometimes the effect is largely the opposite of what I wanted.
I wasn’t seeing these results clearly because I was judging the success of the work on whether I got the outcome I desired rather than noticing if anything at all happened. If I enchant for X and I don’t get X, I would have put that down as a failure. However, what actually happens a lot of the time is that I will enchant for X and end up with less X than I had before the working. The Magick seems to make things a bit (or a lot) worse than it was. So much so, that I wonder if I sigiled for absolute poverty would I end up being stupidly rich?
An clear example of this is a recent money ritual, where I was doing a working to increase my income by a certain amount within the following two weeks. At the end of the two weeks my income or financial position had not gotten better, in fact it had worsened. It did start well, with a regular client contacting me to say that they had some new regular and long term work they wanted me to do. Victory, I thought! But I was too hasty:
- I found out that an income stream that I rely on, is now ending, or at the very best changing in form to such an extend that it is very unlikely that I will want that type of work.
- A number of unforeseen bills and expenses appeared. And,
- The new work from the old client that seemed to come out of the blue and made me feel “It’s Happening!” was cancelled by email after a few days, when the client changed their mind about doing it. This sort of snap-back is a common element to my Magick.
So, instead of improving the situation, my Magick has worsened it. But, it still did something. Something happened. Something changed. A result, is a result and I now have more data to work with in future.
But then it hit me that this isn’t the first time this sort of effect appeared. All my life I have noticed that when I put my mind to doing something, things would suddenly break or become harder to do.
Now, before I go into some examples of what I am talking about, I want to stress that I am not trying to give a list of “why my life is shit” or going all “Poor, poor me” on you. For the most part, my life is awesome (Great Wife, Great Job, Great House, Great Friends, Great Health, No Personal Debt, Blah, blah, blah) but the bits that aren’t awesome are what I am trying to currently work through and talk about on this blog. There are already enough blogs where people talk about how awesome their lives are, or how amazing their Magick is. That said, I promise I will do a “Life is great” post for balance in the near future 🙂
- When I was really into music and recording, recording equipment or software would work fine when recording or doing stuff for other people but would break, stop working or go on fire (on more than on occasion) when I sat down to do some recording of my own. This happened so often that I would have to factor the repair/recovery time into my allotted schedule.
- Computer problems suddenly appearing on the day that I need the computer more than I did in the previous weeks – such as a client needing work done on a tight timeline, or if I had been really looking forward to a new game being released the GPU will break the morning the game is released having been perfect up until then.
- Rules or laws changing just when I start using a service that makes the service useless to me – when it had been a perfect for years up until I actually got round to using it. See more on this below.
- There is also the Bad Mood Magick that I am really, really good at. If I am upset or annoyed everything around me really echoes this and the earth becomes a lot harder to navigate. Phone won’t ring all day but if I am annoyed or upset, two people will ring at the same time, which will coincide with someone walking into the room to urgently talk to me and I will get an email that I HAVE to answer immediately.
- Physics seems to change when I am annoyed – things fall or won’t stay in position on shelves (like really ridiculously not following basic rules of physics – like a book falling in the opposite direction to it’s lean), items break around me, drinks spill not matter how careful I am, Light bulbs break, electronic items always break around me or when I need them. You get the idea.
- I could go on, but I’ll not bore you. I am sure some of you could add your own experiences to the list.
There is a strange but constant feeling that as soon as I want to do something, it instantly becomes harder to do. To be clear, this isn’t to say that if I want to do something, I find out more about it and then realise that it is harder to do than I thought. No, this is when things actually change in physicality or in nature that makes it harder for me to do it than it would have been before I decided I really wanted (or probably more correctly needed) to do it.
For instance, I set up a Patreon awhile back just before the VAT laws changed that then made it impossible for me to use (this was solved days after I deleted my account – which I said at the time would be exactly what would happen). Another example: I just set up an ETSY store last week and guess what? The VAT laws have changed and are being implemented TODAY! making ETSY more expensive to use than it has been for years (also, there is added inescapable VAT rules because I am in Ireland, and so is ETSY).
Now, I am very aware that ETSY didn’t change the rules just to make my particular life harder. That’s not what I am saying. I know this is an out there blog, but I’m not that paranoid… yet. 🙂
Photo by Daniel Vazquez
What it isn’t –
First, Let’s assume that it isn’t just the old “I am just remembering these events wrong” or “I am noticing them more because I am trying to make a pattern out of chaos” or whatever notions rational people try to dismiss this sort of stuff with – other people notice this type of thing happens around me – it’s not just me reading too much into it. Besides, I am pretty sure a lot of you have very similar experiences.
I am equally going to dismiss that that the universe is out to get me or punish me, mainly because that sort of stuff spirals into really bad places and even if it was true believing and acting on that that is going to help me or my happiness. Nothing good comes out of this idea.
I’m also dismissing curses, as I’m not too convinced they are an actual thing. Besides, this has been happening a long time, since at least teenage years and I don’t think I pissed off or even knew any bad ass Black Magicians then.
I’m also dismissing plain old bad luck – too much pattern to it, too often occurs, too much of a constant.
The whole “Clearing out to make room for something new” is thrown out because for instance, If I want to use my computer and it suddenly breaks, it just means I have to pay to get it repaired, it is not making room for anything other than a headache and stress. If you lose income after doing a money working, and nothing comes in to replace or better it, than you just got cleaned out, not cleared out.
Lust of Result?
Could it just be the old chestnut of that I am falling instantly into the trap of wanting something and therefore put myself in the loop of “wanting”? I have totally forgotten about sigils or workings I did, and when I look back over my diary and remember them, I also realise that they didn’t happen. Not convinced on Lust of Result in general anyway, it seems like a trap, or even a great way to mentally torture yourself.
“DON’T THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU WANT FOOD OR YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY FOOD!”
How can you possibly forget your most important Magick goals? It seems to me, to be an idea that people use to explain why Magick doesn’t work, but ultimately doesn’t really explain it. Focusing totally on your goals works a lot of the time, and we have all forgotten many, many goals/sigils/Magicks that never ended up happening.
Also, I think that things getting worse rather than having no effect would suggest that something else is going on. Being guilty of Lust of Result is meant to keep you in a state of “wanting” not having the opposite effect happen.
That said, I do think there is something in the whole “For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. ” Jaysus was talking about knowledge of the mysteries here rather than just financial abundance but I feel it applies to more than just knowledge. I don’t fully understand this statement or idea though, but it seems to ring true a lot of the time.
So, what is it?
I have some ideas on this that are mixing with other ideas in my skull but I wanted to get some feedback from all you good people on this. Is this something that you notice in your work too? Have you found a way round it? Have you any inisght you can share on the problem?
Going by some responses I got on reddit, it appearers that I may be coming across as saying “My life is shit and nothing works out for me – poor me” which really wasn’t my intention for this piece at all. I was more pointing out that I have all these results from magick that are the opposite of what I was aiming for, rather than saying “look, my life is shit and no one loves me!”. My life is very far from shit and I am far from being in a grand mess of any sort.
Anyway, just thought I should clarify.