This part opens with Roman wanting to leave the City completely and we return to the scene which opened the story. Here we see “The Idea” has fully grown and starts to call out to Roman. THEM have become like tar and oil as Roman has warped the originally thoughts and memories out of all proportion. These beliefs tower over him and start to engulf him.
This is me, trying my very utmost to describe the sensation around when your thoughts, feelings and emotions totally destroy you. To me, it feels as suffocating as this scene suggests. It is this stage of depression that I think people who have never been depressed just don’t understand or know about. Some of them equate depression to the times when they felt really bad and just don’t understand why depressed people can’t just snap out of it, like they did. Well, for my money, these people don’t really know what they are talking about. They are just seeing other people’s experiences through their own limited experiences and concluding that only what they have experienced is actually experientially possible.
But, I guess the point is that we all do that in our own way. Wherever you go, there you are and all that.
Interestingly, my Sister recently asked me does it feel like something is coming over you, like a darkness? My answer kinda surprised me and somewhat changes my view on it since I wrote this scene. Or perhaps my experience has changed since then, hard to know. But now, when “that” feeling happens, it feels like something leaves me rather than something overcomes me. My energy, will, joy, passion, love, excitement, and happiness leaves, and what I am left with is an pretty empty husk that is barely functional that just wants it all to end.
The inner light goes out. It does come back, but as yet, I have found nothing that brings it back, I just have to wait until it does.
Back to the story where we see “The Idea” turn from plant to light. In the depths of his despair roman manages to focus on one positive thing and this gets him out. This light burns and dissolves THEM. And that ladies and gentlemen is the BIG MAGICK I was trying to do with this comic. I was trying to materialize an idea or an event that would restore my inner light and destroy the demons. This unfortunately, has yet to happen.
Enlightened or not Roman, still chops wood and carries water as the old Zen saying goes. There is a calmness that enters the story at this point that I hope the reader picks up on. Roman then meets his HGA, DEAMON, HIGHER SELF, PERFECTED SELF or whatever it is we choose to call this being. They chat and Roman realises that everything was just in his head – well, I mean, he already knew that but now he Knows that.
The black notebook returns at this point and we discover that the book is to be filled with Roman’s story as he chooses to write it. He returns to the world and instead of the darkness motif we have our first glimpse of BRIGHTNESS.
I really love the ending on the stage with Roman’s newly returned fist in the air. In fact, it was the first scene that came to me when I started the book. I guess I am very much showing my age with my references to John Bender and Freddie Mercury, but it’s my comic and unlike real life, and like the liberated Roman, in my comics I get to do what I want.
The art that Roman does is still very far away from my own ability. He paints for himself and him alone and it leads to his greatest work of his life. His Magnum opus – His Great Work. He also becomes successful and happy because of it. He achieves all he wants.
This comic is the thing I am most proud of over everything else I have done. I was as open, honest and up front as I could be. I bared my soul to the world and tried to integrate all the spiritual ideas and Magick that I knew into it.
To me, it is perfect, and that’s the only time I have ever felt that about anything I have done. Now, I am not saying that every single panel is drawn perfectly or that there are no typos or whatever – but it’s perfect. I wouldn’t change it, even though I just noticed there is a terrible art blunder on one page.
It sold terribly, however, which kinda crushed me – massively. Which was the complete opposite of what I was trying to achieve magickally.
I printed the first fifty pages of it as a collection as sold 25 of them. As yet no one has asked me when the second half will be printed.
It is now on Amazon though if you’d like to read it.
So it is what it is.
Magick doesn’t always work, or at least mine doesn’t work. My hypersigil didn’t have the same success as Grant Morrison’s Hypersigil. My comics don’t sell and I am still haunted and chased by THEM.
But at least I tried.
(Ah Tommie from the past, future Tommie is here to tell you that you have been too hasty in your judgement of this Hypersigil – click HERE to find out why!)
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